Meet, arrange and go......easier said
than done. Though in today's technology driven world, arranged
marriage may feel like an old fashioned concept but there is one
section of people who still believe in this concept. I am married, so
I can say it with surety (experience counts phews...), whether your
partner is chosen by you or your parents, as a couple you are bound
to go ups and downs. It's just that if it's an arranged wedding, it
may take considerably a longer time to understand your partner. If
you are about to hitch in an arranged marriage, here are some points
which you should keep in your mind to understand your partner:
Pre marital fidgets- Pre-marital
fidgets or jitters are common among couples who opt for an arranged
marriage. If you're also experiencing the same then it is important
to know the cause of anxiety. Among the most possible reasons is the
fear of sharing your space with completely unknown person. Then of
course, there are other fears also like how to deal with a completely
new family, how much you'd have to make adjustments in your living
style to adapt to their thoughts and habits. The best and easiest way
to overcome this is by frequently interacting with your future
spouse. It will put you at ease and will finally create better
understandings between the two of you.
Be always ready to adjustments- Whether it
is love or arranged, marriage is all about making adjustments to each
other living styles. Though I have a love marriage but that doesn’t
restrain me from accepting that in an arranged marriage there are
more responsibilities and expectations. Your partner may not have
disclosed complete information about his/her likes or dislikes or
your in-laws may not be following the same values and living style.
As a result, you may always be constantly corrected about the ways in
which things should be done in the house. Don't panic and just relax!
Even after 2 years of love marriage, I am still facing this problem
as me and husband's family has completely different living style.
Starting from food, dresses, manners to eating habits, I too had to
make adjustments to gel with my new family. But I don't mind as long
as my husband is with me to support me!
Adjustment is the name of the game. You
should have a frank talk with your partner, where you should discuss
all your woes and try to find a middle way to sort out things without
outraging values of new family. If you may feel the pressure of
adjusting to the new family, your in-laws may also feeling the same
pressure of accepting you as the part of the family. So, it is
advised that you should not take rude remarks of your partner or new
family too seriously in the initial days of marriage and never follow
the tit for tat philosophy.
Keep a distance from troublemakers and
don't complain to your partner about his/her family. Your behaviour
should give a message to your partner that you want to adjust in
his/her family and need their support. Remember your spouse is as
confused as you are.
Finally, wave the magic wand- Love is
the medicine of any trouble. In an arranged marriage, you may not
fall in love in few meetings. But don't worry, love takes its own
time to blossom. But even if you have already developed feelings,
don't expect from your partner to immediately reciprocate the same
feelings. Give each other sufficient time and don't get frustrated or
angry if you are not getting the same response or if your partner
does something wrong.
Remember, marriage is a world of
responsibilities and love & trust are its foundation.
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